You Play Like A Girl

I was playing a little COD4 the other day on Vacant when all a sudden some heated bitching about a noobtuber scrolls up on my screen:

"You fuckin' noobtubing pussy."

To those familiar with FPSes, pillow talk like that is pretty normal and actually, pretty tame faire, especially for the COD4 crowd. But for those of you who prefer MMOs and aren't familiar with FPS terminology, a noobtube is usually an over powered but easily accessible weapon that takes little to no skill to use (for example, a rocket launcher or grenade launcher with sexy splash damage that you kinda' sorta' mabbe' aim in a general direction and rack up kills with.)

I don't think much about it, since I've heard much better and much more original insults with that one, usually involving someone's mother, a donkey and some cheese.

"You can't aim so you gotta' fuckin' use the noobtube, you fuckin' noob?"

I check the score. The noobtuber's only rank 14/55. He probably hasn't been playing very long, and when you start, you pretty much got the noobtube and nothing else perk wise.

I continue playing, hear some more bitching and drop an Airstrike on B since lots of idiots like to hide there in them weeds. Score! Here comes my Chopper.

And then, something that catches my attention.

"You play like a fuckin' girl."

Whoa whoa whoa whoa.

I check the leader boards.

I'm second. Where are they? Ohhh, both somewhere on the bottom on a 32 man server.

And oddly enough, I get ticked. Ticked enough to speak out.

At the end of the game I type, "You just lost to a "shitty" girl, moron."

(I know I know, not the wittiest come back, but you don't have a lot of time to type between rounds!)

* * *

Some believe that women gamers simply don't exist, a myth like the mighty Chupacabra. But in truth, WE ARE OUT THERE--we're simply stealthy and elusive. Like a Ninja (or should I say Kunoichi), or better yet, the magnificent Jackalope.

You see, the majority of competent female players tend to keep quiet, going about our business whether it be topping the DPS charts, dropping air strikes on vital choke points or "melting your face" without ramming our gender down your throat. We are "gamers" just like anyone else as opposed to "ZOMGZ TEE HEE grrl gamers," and the few that you do encounter telling people to "LOL Stop shoting, I'm a girl," or "My DPS is low because I'm PMSing ^^" are the vocal minority that give us all a bad name.

We are confident in our skills and don't need to use gender as a crutch, we can get our own Epics, and we aren't just cannon fodder for your AK-74u.

So the next time you're online someone calls you a "girl" think about it.

Is it really THAT bad to play like a winner?

XD